When you want to move away from home and your parents wouldn't understand

This Hub attempts to answer the following question, which appeared as a HubPages question:

"I have this problem.   I want to move into residence and change programs but my parents wouldn't understand??"

Cornflower, it's awfully difficult to try to think what someone else ought to do, because sometimes strangers just don't know enough about the people and circumstances involved in a situation. My instinct is to say you should try to give your parents credit for being able to listen, and maybe eventually at least sort of understand, how you feel; and talk to them about how you feel.

Sometimes young people assume what their parents will say or think, without realizing that their parents may not be nearly as "non-understanding" as they assume they are. Then again, I know there are times when parents aren't about to listen or understand or think their grown son or daughter even knows what's right for him/her. If this is your situation, I'm wondering if, maybe, you talked to a counselor (at school or elsewhere) on your own, whether that person may be able to get to know you enough to be able to have an informed opinion about what you might do (and maybe even talk to your parents on your behalf).

I know that sometimes a person may have to choose between "offending parents" and waiting another year or two before "being free" and getting their blessing on moving out. That's not an easy choice,and sometimes if not being able to support oneself satisfactorily is a factor it isn't even a choice at all. If money is the reason you must go with your parents' way of doing things, and if you have little choice but to live feeling trapped and not happy for another couple of years - all the more reason to think about seeing a counselor who may be able to offer you some guidance about things you might do. If you're unhappy enough, you can't just accept being that unhappy for too long a stretch of time. Then again, if you can mostly be "happy enough" much of the time, maybe seeing someone outside wouldn't be right for you.

I know that doing something drastic like just packing up and leaving is something people who are close to their families (in spite of feeling trapped) would find acceptable. It seems to me, though, that taking a fairly "harmless" step of just talking to a counselor on your own (while it may seem to be "going against your parents in some ways) would be a "safe" and harmless step to take. A counselor would understand that you don't want to hurt your parents or damage your relationship with them, but would also understand how you feel. That's why, maybe, a counselor could give you a little guidance or assistance in some way without unnecessary hurt or damage in your relationship with your parents.

I know this isn't much of an answer, but it seems to me your options (without considering outside help) are to try to talk to your parents (the best option) and see what they say; and then either learn they may be (at least sort of) OK with your changing programs, or else decide what to do if they aren't OK with it.  Or, do the drastic thing (and I'm guessing unacceptable-to-you thing) of just moving out regardless of whether they approve or not.  To me, if either of those is unacceptable (or isn't something you think can work out), the only way you do anything else may be to get some kind of outside help/support from someone who understands how you feel, what the issues are, and how best to try to do something about such a situation.

Basically, if a person feels trapped and can't figure out a way to feel less trapped (or at least a way s/he finds acceptable), the only thing h/she can do is look for some help from someone outside the circle where s/he feels trapped.

I'm not second-guessing what you have expressed at all.  One thing that may be worth mentioning, though, is that most people who aren't out of school and all "established" after graduation feel trapped and frustrated in a lot of ways.  In a lot of cases, it can be a matter of feeling close to the "finish line" and feeling that much more in a hurry to reach it.  When you're fifteen you may look forward to that freedom all young people want, and sometimes (more than others) it's awfully frustrating not to have it even when you're fifteen.  When you get to be past eighteen, it can often seem that there are enough freedoms at that age to "hold a person over" for awhile.  For a lot of people, after the improvement that being eighteen usually brings, it can more and more frustrating not to yet have the kind of complete freedom young people want two years after passing that eighteenth birthday.   From young people I've seen, it can almost seem as if, as people get closer and closer to that "finish line", the frustration with waiting for that complete freedom continues to grow until it's almost unbearable much of the time (and depending on the people and situation, it's worse for some than for others, of course).

Based on what you've said, it does look to me as if you're only expecting to have the kind of "freedom" other people your age reasonably expect and usually have.  (I used quotation marks around "freedom" because it's not particularly "wild and crazy freedom" to expect to be around friends of your own choosing and ride a train more than twice.)   My only point here is that there's a good chance some of your frustration with the situation could be being colored by the fact that you're as close to true freedom as you are.  I'm not suggesting you should happily just wait out the frustration and feeling of being trapped to the extent you feel that way.  I just think it may help to be aware that you're at that "high-frustration" stage of reaching "full" adulthood; and so many other twenty-year-olds (regardless of their situation) feel trapped in one way or another until they get established in their own lives.