Good Behavior in Children: How Parents Can Teach Kids to Behave Well in Public

Getting children to be children who behave in public places is a matter of expecting socially acceptable behavior at home. I'm not saying children need to learn to behave at home the way they should at the library or in church, but teaching them that there is a time and place for certain activities (even at home) will help them "mentally categorize" behavior and learn what time and what place if right for each type of behavior.

When my children were little the guideline I generally used to establish what kind of behavior I wanted to teach them was asking myself, "Is this socially acceptable in adult life?" One example of how this guideline worked is this: When it comes to running around and yelling, is this behavior acceptable in adult life? The answer, of course, is that it may, under certain circumstances, be acceptable but usually only in a certain setting, such as a soccer game. This meant that I should teach my children that running around and yelling has its place in the yard, in friends' yards, at the park, etc., but not in the dining room or living room.

If you have places in the house where too much active play isn't done and places in the house and yard where it is, children have the freedom to play as they like but understand that they are expected to choose the right location for an activity. If parents have a place or two that are completely off-limits to children (the entertainment center, a corner of a room where plants are located, etc.) children become aware of how some objects are not for children at all. I'm not suggesting keeping children out of whole rooms - just having a corner here or there or a piece of furniture or electronics that children know they must not touch.

Giving children the freedom to almost do whatever they want to in the house with just a few simple rules can make them feel free while, at the same time, making them aware of certain places for certain activities. A simple rule like "no eating in the living room" teaches that some places have rugs or upholstery that people don't want stained.

When it comes to a time for certain activities teaching a time for each thing is easy. Parents can structure a day so that, for example, mornings include one type of activity (getting ready to go to work or school, eating breakfast), afternoons are for playing (outdoors or indoors), dinner time is a time for the family to sit together, after dinner may be the time for homework, early evening may be the time for a little television watching or quiet activity before bed time. Explaining to children that they shouldn't be running around crazy when bedtime is near, and turning the volume down on televisions or turning the lights down somewhat, can help them see the difference between afternoon activities and evening activities.

When children learn that there is "running around crazy" activity, "regular but not crazy playing", "quiet playing", reading or relaxing in front of the television it is easier for them to understand what parents mean if they say, "We're going to Susie's house. Please, no running around crazy," or "We're going to my doctor's office. Please, only quiet playing or reading."

Once children are accustomed to recognizing the different types of activities and ways that time can make a difference in what people do, it should be easy to explain to them, "We're going to talk to the car insurance man. He doesn't want children running around his office, so you can just sit and look at your book while I talk to him. Later, we can go to the park." Explaining to children, too, that when children behave well in public places they are treated well by adults but when they act up people are not going to want to have them there is something children usually understand.

Children who behave well in public places actually are treated with more kindness and more friendliness than children who don't. Children who learn that wherever they go nobody seems to like them and everybody seems to be scolding them have to grow up seeing the world in a very different way than children who are well liked and treated well by "The world". It has to have at least some effect on their sense of self-esteem and their view of other people, and it has to be worth the effort to try to teach them that there is a time and place for everything.