Pursuing Dreams and Goals - Is the Price of Success Worth It?

Whether or not any individual commits to his own goals and dreams can depend on five things:  1) how important those goals and dreams really are to him, and 2) whether or not the individual has the mental, emotional, physical, and (sometimes) financial resources; 3) personality; and 4) the degree of gamble and who will pay the price if the gamble doesn't pay off; and 5) true, deep down, priorities.

One of the most common examples of someone for whom goals and dreams are often placed on "the back burner" is that of women who choose to stay home and care for their young children.  Women generally know that they have a certain time-frame in which to have their families, so that particular aspect of their lives is not one that leaves much room for postponing for too long.  Many, if not most, women have goals and dreams for themselves; but the nature of being a good parent often limits the extent to which they can pursue those goals and dreams.  Even women who continue to work and have their careers may find they have to pass up tempting opportunities that would help them reach their goals/dreams sooner; because things like not wanting to move children too often or preferring to live near children's grandparents (who assist with care) may call for turning down tempting offers.

It's not just women.  Many men/fathers prefer to have a job that keeps them close to their children and families, rather than accept a "dream job" that would require almost constant travel.

The point is sometimes it is possible to have two sets of goals/dreams.  Someone may have their career aspirations, or financial goals; but he may also take very seriously his goal of doing what he believes is best for his family.  In the case of women who also have/want families, it is often said that women "can have it all, but they can't have it all at the same time".  There is something very true about that, because it is generally very difficult to give 110% to two endeavors at the same time.  As a result, some compromise must be made; and sometimes compromise means not pursuing, at least fully, those goals and dreams not associated with the ones involving raising a well adjusted family.

Parents aren't the only ones who often let their goals and dreams take a backseat because of family.   The young person in one country may know he would be able to pursue his dreams if he would leave his family and move to another country.  Not everyone wants to do that.  Some people believe it is more important to remain reasonably close to family, particularly when some family members may be elderly.    This isn't saying that "reasonably close" means living next door to one's mother and father.  It's just saying that some people do not want to pack up and leave all family behind, and too far from them to be able to visit by taking a few-hour drive.

Some people may choose to postpone dreams.  Some choose to compromise on them.  Others may find a job that is far from their dream job but that allows them to offer their family the life they hope to offer them.

With regard to resources, while it often fairly easy for anyone to find a way to come by the financial resources to pursue dreams and goals; there are times when finding that way can be close to impossible for some people.    Financial resources, however, are often the least of anyone's problems.  People need those mental, emotional, and physical resources as well - and those are not always nearly as easy to come by.

Some people simply know that what they'd really like to be and what they have sufficient talent for are two different things.  We may like to believe that anyone can learn to do anything, but the reality is there are some things that not everyone can learn to do well enough to be successful in that area.  Mental, emotional, and physical resources can also involve the general energy level someone has.  People who have lived a difficult life may suffer, to some degree, from stress or even exhaustion.  Too much prolonged and/or extreme stress/unhappiness can take a toll on person's general well-being.    When people live in a chronic state of stress they can have difficulty concentrating, among any number of other problems related to functioning well.   It is now believed, too, that too much stress for too long can compromise the adrenal glands, causing them to "run out of juices", and leave a person with varying degrees of difficulty functioning.   When this happens there is no medication to treat it.  The general recommendations are that a person eat a certain kind of healthy diet (with some restrictions) and get plenty of rest.  Sometimes it is the very life an individual cannot change that causes such problems that will let the exhausted individual get enough of that rest to feel better.

While everyone who doesn't follow his dreams is not necessarily suffering from physical exhaustion or stress, these are good examples of the kinds of things that are not always obvious not only to the individual, himself, but to others around him.

Personality is another factor.  There are dreams and goals that require things like a little extra competitive nature, an extra dose of the kind of confidence that comes when someone has higher testosterone levels, or even a certain degree of what some people would call "soul-selling".   Many, many, high-level careers require that certain amount of "soul selling", and not everyone is willing to sell even a fraction of his own soul.  Some people may have an aversion to the calling attention to oneself that often comes with some attempts to achieve success, because they may view seeking/demanding attention as somewhat of a personality problem.  Besides basic personality differences, some people, of course, have their own "issues" of one sort or another.  The person from a modest background may feel uncomfortable being obligated to rub shoulders with "silver spoon types", because he may feel he has little in common with them (or may not like some of the thinking that he associated with such people).

Then there is the weighing-the-risk-of-a-gamble factor.  The young father whose dream it is to have is own business may worry that if he sinks all the family's savings into a risk venture he may not only lose the savings, but their home.   Most people have been faced with one job offer or another that has required them to decide whether the promising opportunity (with no guarantees) was worth giving up a job with which they were reasonably satisfied (and that paid well enough).

Priorities may be one of the biggest differences among people that make it difficult for one person to understand why another would not pursue some dreams or goals.  I can look at, say, astronauts and believe that no astronaut who is a parent should risk his life by going into space.  Astronauts are generally said to believe their work is so important that if anything happens to them everyone will know they died doing what they believed was vitally important for all mankind.  An astronaut may look at the lives of people like me and wonder why we have done so little for mankind (or even in terms of great accomplishment).   An astronaut may believe that s/he is actually a far better parent than I have been, simply because s/he has been a great example for his/own children (as well as others).

A more down-to-Earth (and applicable) example is something as simple as writing a best-selling book.  There was a time when I believed that's what I would like to do.  Over time, I realized that I wouldn't want to do some of the things involved in getting the kind of book I wanted to write published by a conventional publisher.  On top of that, if the book were published I would have to be involved with promoting it; and if - "God forbid" - it became a really successful book, I would be expected to make public appearances in one place or another!    The "public" part of such appearances would be objectionable enough to me, but then I would also be expected to make travel part of my work (when I prefer my travel be done for my own recreational reasons).

When I was young I had two girlfriends who knew of my (then) "dream" to write a best-selling book.  In a way that few other people had, they had every faith that my dream was well within my reach; and they kind of just took it for granted that it wasn't such an unrealistic aim whatsoever.
Why didn't I follow that dream back when it was something I did hope to accomplish?  At the time, I didn't have some of those resources I mentioned.  As time passed, I matured and developed different priorities, as well as learned some of the aspects of writing a book that don't involve the actual writing.  If I were reunited with those girlfriends all these years later would they understand why I never followed my dream?  Probably not.  After all, they truly believed I had "what it would take".  They were wrong.  I'm fairly certain I will go to my grave without ever having "best-selling author" associated with my name.  Do I have regrets about that?  Not one.   Instead, I am happy that I have remained true to myself when it came to what was right for me; whether or not someone else thought I should have followed a youthful dream.

When all is said and done, we all must be careful about our ideas about which dreams other people follow, even when those dreams are their own.  Dreams are, I think, like the perfect and forever romantic partner - when we meet the right one we know it; and even though a lot of others may seem so right for us to other people, nobody else can ever really know which one is truly the right one.

Is the price of success always worth it?  It depends on the person, the kind of success, the price of that success, and the nature of that price.  If I consider that if I had pursued my long-ago (and youthful) dream of becoming a best-selling author I might today be, say, a multi-millionaire; and if I ask whether the price I would have paid would have been worth it; I'd have to say, "No, it would not have been worth it."   The fact is I may go to my grave far less of a "success" according to any number of other people; but I will go there at peace with my own version of "success".