"It's Complicated", Starring Meryl Streep, Alec Baldwin, and Steve Martin

A couple of weeks ago I saw the move, "It's Complicated", so it seemed to make sense to write about it. The reason I've pointed out that this is a "discussion", rather than a "review", is this: I'm not a movie critic and don't want to be. I'm a writer, and on HubPages (as compared to other venues) I'm a "hobby-writer". I saw the movie and want to write about, but I don't want to worry about the technicalities of what ought to be included in a movie review. One reason I write as a hobby is to escape the need to follow rules. So, again, this is nothing but an informal discussion about the movie.

When I started seeing the ads for "It's Complicated" (written and directed by Nancy Meyers and starring Meryl Streep, Alec Baldwin, and Steve Martin) I was pleased to see a movie that was about middle-aged people, relationships, and romance; because, let's face it, middle-aged people often get to play the parents of the people in the starring roles. I thought it was nice that this movie focused on people over fifty. ("Yeah," I thought, "Let's show the world that people over fifty can still have romance or whatever other elements there are in life that have nothing to do with having given up on living and settled into the role of "nobody but someone else's middle-aged parent." ) Besides, the ads for "It's Complicated" led me to think it was a hilarious comedy - and I like a good hilarious comedy. Unlike actors who pretty much play some version of themselves in all their movies, Meryl Streep is a "chameleon-actor" known, usually, for being a very different character in each movie. I can't recall any of her movies in which I particularly identified with her character, but I don't need to identify with characters or actors to enjoy a movie. Alec Baldwin, of course, has established his own brand of humor along with his non-comedic acting history; and most of us have pretty much come to take Steve Martin's ability to make people laugh for granted.

So, besides respecting the "over-50" aspect of this movie, I looked forward to a very funny movie. My movie-viewing friend and I, however, have come to give our name to a lot of romantic comedies (and other non-slapstick comedies) that have come out in recent years - the "unfunny comedy". This isn't to say these "unfunny comedies" aren't good movies. It's just that they're not all that funny and are, instead, good stories that include a few lighter moments. I love a good story, particularly one with well developed characters. It's just that a lot of these "unfunny comedies" also have more serious elements to them, and a few laughs (or even just "he-he's" ) don't always leave viewers coming away feeling as if they've had a hilariously fun time. It may not be fair to compare these two movies, but after watching Disney's Enchanted (and every time I've seen it since) I've been left feeling as if I've had a good time. With "unfunny comedies", however, (and particularly in the case of "It's Complicated") I've been left sometimes feeling a little sad in some way.

With "It's Complicated" I came home and just kind of felt oddly and mildly depressed for a couple of hours. What was that all about? In the theatre, even though I only got a few "he-he's" out of the movie, a lot of other people did laugh. Part of that problem was that I'm not one to find sexual humor very funny unless it's particularly clever or otherwise unique. To be honest, I've just kind of always believed if you're not a thirteen-year-old boy there's a good chance you won't find sexual humor as "sophisticated" or "intelligent" as you need your humor to be. I don't mean to be a snob about this. It's just that I don't happen to find most of this kind of humor very funny. With "It's Complicated" I did get a few "he-he's" (no big laughs) out of some of the sexual humor (and a few laughs out of the non-sexual humor); but for the most part, the quiet close-up of a divorced couple and their grown children (along with a new love interest for the ex-wife/mother) made for a movie in which I liked all the people too much to see a lot of humor in the overall picture (I guess).

In spite of Alec Baldwin's character's not exactly being "great relationship material", the people in this movie were nice people. It was nice to see a movie about nice people ("decent" people) who were family people. The parents cared about their grown kids and showed it, the way "regular" people do. The kids cared about their parents and were nice "regular" people. If I didn't identify much with Meryl Streep's character's "wavery-nish", I did identify with people who had one child old enough to be planning a wedding, one graduating college, and one just entering college. In spite of the fact that Alec Baldwin's character was guilty of having cheated on his first wife (and later cheating on his present wife), this movie was generally about decent, caring, people who cared about one another (and Steve Martin's character, along with the kids and the eldest daughter's fiance (played by John Krasinksi) were yet other decent, caring, people. For the most part, whatever did or didn't go on on the surface of this movie (complete with pretty settings) almost didn't matter much (at least to me), because underneath it all was a ten-year history of whatever led to and resulted from this one couple's divorce; which, in itself, probably would not have involved a whole lot of "deep thought" by me if the movie hadn't focused so much on what even grown children can go through long after a divorce has taken place and in spite of their being grown up.

I didn't see Meryl Streep's character as a particularly strong and sure woman who was "missing nothing" ten years after her divorce. She and Alec Baldwin - in spite of any thrill of having an out-of-control affair with their ex-spouse - both came across, in their own ways, as a little bit pathetic. I don't know - I guess I was hoping to somehow identify with leading characters of this movie (since I'm in their age range and divorced and generally see movies with younger leading characters). Instead (and this comes from my own expectations for the movie and nothing but my own "issues" with movies in general), I would have liked to have seen a story about two strong, capable, people who "had their inner, emotional, acts together" better than these two did. Maybe that hint of "perceived pathetic" just took away from "humor potential" for me. While these characters were likable, I didn't really care what happened to them either. All I kept thinking about was what the children had been through and how they weren't quite done with "going through it" even ten years later. There was one point at which the two ex-spouses and their three children were all eating together, and someone commented on how, before then, the whole family hadn't all been in the same room together, just being together and talking. I appreciated this glimpse into how meaningful it can be, to all involved, to experience some "original-family" togetherness once in a while after divorce.

Just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, movies might be said to be in the glasses through which movie-goers view the screen. ("It's Complicated", I'm guessing, is a movie that may have an audience with a higher percentage of people who use reading glasses; but the real matter may be whether viewers have had their own "viewing glasses" tinted by experiences in life that make them identify a little more personally with the movie, if not the main characters.) I suspect younger viewers or those who can't relate to either the characters' ages or divorce may just find this movie boring. Some, I suppose, may find more humor in it than I did. I, on the other hand, was one of those who viewed the movie with my own "tinted glasses", and that could explain why I felt oddly sad after watching it.

Seventeen years divorced, and without any of the "sleeze" of any affairs causing it, I'm pretty grounded and sure at this stage in my life, unlike Meryl Streep's character. Like the two main characters in the movie, my ex-husband and I are today friends. The difference is, however, that without the element of even potentially humorous "sleeze" we now share a close friendship that has an odd kind of depth and niceness that's too unique to ever be mistaken for anything romantic, even if either of us drank all the wine or tequila "in China" (or should I say "France" or "Mexico"?).

At this point in my own post-divorce life it has been a long time since anything was "about us" or even "about me, as a divorced person". The one thing related to the divorce that I've not long ago resolved, rid myself of, or otherwise disposed of has been the sorrow over what my own children went through, and the ever-looming questions about how much impact any of it had on their long-term views of relationship, life, and their own parents. My divorce was not my fault. If I could have made another choice I would have. That's, I guess, what makes it even harder to think about what my children went through. I was someone who had always planned to keep my children safe from as much sorrow and loss in life as I could - and on this one, major, thing in their life someone else took away my ability to do what was so important to me (and them). Most of us can deal with our own loss and sorrows in our own ways, but - boy - is it difficult to process the sorrow associated with what our children have been through, especially when what they've been through could have prevented if ex-spouses and/or the court system allowed us to use our good sense and instincts, rather than arranging things in a way that makes things more difficult for children of divorce.

The point is, I viewed this movie with the tint of someone for whom the children's point-of-view is particularly powerful.

Neither did it help that I saw this movie with someone who is close to me and who has only recently separated after a very long marriage. I suppose, out of the sides of those imaginary tinted glasses I had on, I was kind of "sideways-looking" at my companion to see her response. I guess, besides the tinted glasses associated with my own children, I was wearing yet another pair of imaginary, tinted glasses, associated with empathy toward this individual with whom I've always been so close, and about whom I've always cared so much. Chances are this individual wasn't just paying attention to what the grown children were going through but may also have identified a little with the Steve Martin character (a nice individual only fairly recently divorced). Empathy (particularly when it involves someone you care about and can't do much to help) is a powerful thing, and maybe I was just too worried about this individual to be able to forget her situation and just watch the movie.

In any case, and in spite of the fact that I'm calling this movie "yet another unfunny comedy", I would recommend it to anyone who would be OK with a nice story and a few chuckles (maybe more). Most movies are for nothing more than entertainment anyway, although some have some additional redeeming quality beyond that. If there's one "important" thing at all that this movie has, I think it is the focus it places on those grown children who, although perfectly fine and apparently OK people, haven't really overcome the effects of their parents' divorce.

Maybe the real cleverness to this movie is that, while the viewer may be entertained by Streep and Baldwin, he never cares a whole lot about what happens to them; because the movie pulls the viewer's heart in the direction of those three young people and makes us think about them - all those years later, and in spite of how grown-up they now are. Too, it was, I thought, nice that another message was that, in spite of what kids can have to deal with, not all kids want their parents to get back together.

So, even though I think this movie should be advertised as a "nice story with a few laughs", rather than as a "hilarious comedy", I'll probably buy it at some point, not because I thought it was a particularly "great" movie, but because I thought it was a nice movie and because I respect its intent, messages, and focus. In spite of the star power of the cast, and in spite of under-tones of the serious matter of children of divorce, I found "It's Complicated" to be a kind of nice, little, movie with a nice story (and cute, pleasant, movie, if you will). Still, I think its message about children of divorce (particularly the often overlooked grown children of divorce) is an important one the everyone (especially married or divorce people of all ages) should see.

Whether online or in person, some common criticisms seem to keep cropping up with regard to "It's Complicated".

One is that Jane (Streep's Character) lives unrealistically comfortably for someone who runs a bake shop. It didn't occur to me that the financially comfortable lifestyle/home of the character was unrealistic, because people over fifty have often built up a comfortable lifestyle. Besides, people often come by money other than just through their "day jobs". We (the viewer) don't know how financially well off Streep and Baldwin were before their divorce. We don't know who has invested, inherited, or otherwise earned their money; so I just don't find a great house and generally comfortable lifestyle as at all unrealistic.

Another criticism is that the grown kids, in all their "mushiness", niceness, and closeness aren't realistic. In one scene the three kids (one son and two daughters) are all sitting in (I think) their mother's bed, presumably discussing the dilemma of their two parents' behavior and possible plans to get back together. How close or "mushy" people (including grown kids) are depends on the family. Some families are just close, particularly if someone is perceiving a "family crisis". Some families are "colder" or even frequently hostile toward each other, but siblings from a warm family have been known to lean toward the "mushy" in a crisis. I didn't think anything about that scene; although after hearing criticism of it, I gave it some thought and just assumed that maybe the two girls were in the room, discussing the parents and the issues. The son may have happened by, and sat down join the conversation. If further analysis of the one scene is worth anything, one might assume that because all three siblings were there together, nobody was worried about the "weirdness" of, say, one sister and one brother in the bed.

Apparently, some people interpreted Streep's character's involvement with baking/cooking with equating food with love. I missed that if, in fact, it was something to miss; but I didn't think her cooking and baking meant anything like that. As someone who doesn't like to cook or bake, I know a lot of people who just do. They're good at it, and because they know they can whip up yummy meals or treats, they do. It's also very unremarkable for any mother to enjoy making meals and baked goods for their family and friends. In other words, a lot of people (especially women) cook and bake because they can. For someone who can, and who enjoys cooking and baking, it isn't a big deal.

The sexual humor. I could have done without it only because I don't find it all that funny, but this is a movie for grown-ups and about grown-ups, as well as about an affair. If the people making the movie wanted to throw in a relative few off-color remarks in an attempt to make some viewers laugh I don't see it as a big deal.

Apparently, some people who have seen the movie think that it's aimed at the dream of every divorced woman is to have her ex-husband want to date/get back together with her. For any woman who actually may have that wacky dream of having the ex-husband show up and want them, feel free to fantasize at the movie.

What I got from the movie, and what I've seen in real life, is that even when the people involved haven't burned any bridges; so much water (and troubled water, at that) goes under those bridges it often causes them to come tumbling down. Even if those bridges haven't been burned or come tumbling down, time has a way of weathering and wearing them to the point where nobody's going to be heading back over them. Those bridges that still stand are usually, at best, good for making a lovely photograph or painting. So for these reasons, I'd disagree that "It's Complicated" is a movie about "every divorced woman's dream".